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How to Get Your High Schooler to Open Up More

Create Safe spaces to Get Your High Schooler to Open Up More

The teenage years are a complex period characterized by rapid and sometimes tumultuous change. During this critical time, teenagers often grapple with identity formation, peer pressure, academic expectations, and the onset of emotional and physical changes. As they strive for independence, teenagers might also naturally pull away from their families and seek to establish their individuality. This shift can leave parents feeling perplexed, unsure of how to bridge the growing communication gap.

If you’re a parent in search of ways to maintain healthy communication with your teen, know that the difficulties you face are common and, to an extent, natural. After all, teens experience much more than the hormonal changes and mood swings often associated with adolescence; they also go through significant transitions in their journey to adulthood throughout these critical years. Fortunately, there are many practical strategies you can apply to strengthen your connection with your teenager and help steer your family safely through these complex waters. Let’s look closely at a few:

Ask Specific and Open-Ended Questions

Engaging your teenager in conversation sometimes requires more than just asking, “How was your day?” Instead, try asking open-ended questions that encourage deeper responses. For instance, “What was the most interesting part of your day?” or “How do you feel about the school project you’re working on?” These types of questions show your interest in their daily life and invite them to share more than just one-word answers.

Many teens also find it easier to open up when asked about specific aspects of their lives, or specific experiences. If your teen goes to one of the top international schools in Singapore, for instance, they may have insightful thoughts to share about adjusting to a multicultural environment or a rigorous academic setting. If they’ve recently discovered a new interest, asking them what they like about it or what it’s teaching them about themselves can lead to meaningful conversations and a better understanding of your teenager’s thoughts and feelings.

Find Things to Do Together

Engaging in shared activities is one of the most effective ways to strengthen your bond with your teenager and encourage open communication. You may find this approach particularly helpful if your teen is the type to feel uncomfortable sitting down and just talking. Finding common ground in working on hobbies or tasks together can provide a relaxed environment for conversation to flow more naturally. It could be as simple as cooking a meal together, taking a walk, or engaging in a hobby that both of you enjoy.

Bear in mind that you don’t have to find something elaborate to do with your teen. The key is to find things to do that you both enjoy and that don’t feel forced for either of you. For instance, if your teenager shows interest in art, a weekend painting session can be both therapeutic and a great opportunity for casual conversation.

Practice Active Listening

Many teenagers hesitate to open up to their parents because they fear being judged or misunderstood. It’s also common for teens to want to be heard rather than to be told what to do, particularly when they haven’t explicitly asked for advice. You can encourage more open communication from your child by practicing active listening, which involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and then remembering what they tell you.

When listening to your teen, give them your full attention. Make eye contact and avoid distractions like your phone or other devices. This shows them that you value their thoughts and are genuinely interested in what they have to say. When responding, reflect on what you’ve heard and ask clarifying questions to ascertain that you’ve fully understood their message. 

Share Your Own Experiences

Your teenager may feel encouraged to open up to you if you show that you’re willing to talk with them about your own experiences as well. Sharing stories of your own, particularly those from your teenage years, can show them that you’ve faced similar challenges and can empathize with what they’re going through. When sharing, be willing to be authentic and even vulnerable. Talk about the mistakes you made and the lessons you learned, as this will give them a sense of how you navigated your own journey of growing up.

That said, it’s important to strike a balance during such conversations so that you don’t inadvertently make them all about yourself. After all, you’re sharing these things with your teen so that you can better connect with their own experiences and feelings. Use your stories as a way to open up the conversation and encourage them to share, not to overshadow their experiences or to impose your own perspectives.

Establish Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries help define what is acceptable and what is not, both in terms of behavior and communication, which can be especially helpful during the volatile teenage years. For example, you might find it beneficial to set rules around respectful language, privacy, or screen time. Communicate these boundaries clearly and consistently so that your teen understands what you expect of them and also the standards of behavior you hold yourself to.

It’s also important to lead by example. Show respect for your teenager’s privacy and personal space, just as you expect them to respect the boundaries you’ve set. This mutual respect builds a foundation of trust and understanding, which in turn creates a healthier dynamic for open communication.

It may also help to involve your teenager in the process of setting these boundaries through a collaborative discussion. This shows that you’re willing to take their opinions and needs into consideration. By inviting your teenager to participate in crafting the rules and guidelines that govern your relationship, you both empower them and help them appreciate why such boundaries are necessary for healthy interpersonal connections.

In the ever-evolving journey of parenting a teenager, the most profound moments often lie in the unspoken understanding and shared silences as much as in conversations. Embracing this phase with empathy and patience paves the way for a relationship that transcends the turbulence of teenage years and lasts a lifetime.

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Katherine Sng

Katherine Sng

I am a single mother living in Singapore. I am an advocate of living a healthy lifestyle through exercise; eating right; keeping a positive and youthful outlook of life; and, to live vicariously while you can. When not spending time watching Bubba grow, I am catching up on the latest news and entertainment gossip. I strongly believe that empowerment is possible for anyone, as long as they believe in themselves and the people around them.


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